How difficult can it be?
You write to the doctor requesting a private medical certificate (his idea, not mine)!
Three days later, nothing has been done about it.
Maybe they would like to pay my mortgage this month.......bloody numpties.

Just called the doc's surgery. They have sent the certificate directly to my insurers AND were going to charge them for it !!
They have a copy for me, so I says the wife will pick it up.
I have to supply my wife with a letter so she can collect it!
The receptionist said "We need to make sure we give it to the right person. Sometimes people's names are very similar."
No shit, says I. She's my f***ing wife, of course her name's similar! How many people with our surname have you issued a private medical certificate to in the last 24 hours?!

They just make being ill / injured / disabled bloody unbearable.

I can feel a poem coming on!

Doctor doctor what's wrong with me?
I'm not actually ill, you see.
I have no temperature, fever or chills,
You just can't cure me with lots of pills.

I suffered an injury back in May,
And since then have had no pay.
To make things worse, as I'm sure you're aware,
For ages now, I've been under your care.

I've seen more specialists than Britney Spears,
Yet each time I call you I end up in tears.
You seem to think there's nothing wrong with me,
That's 'cos you lack X-Ray vision, you see.

My pains are such you can't see them outside,
That's 'cos it's my bones..they're on the inside.
So when I come to see you and say I'm in pain,
Don't just flush my emotions down the drain.

Maybe one day when you're old and crippled,
And your skin with melanoma is stippled.
You'll look back at my visits past,
And think "He was right!" at last.

So next time I call for another sick-note,
Think yourself lucky you're not in the same boat.
'Cos if you were, I'm sure you'd understand
That it really is painful, from my foot to my hand.

One last thing before I bid you adieu,
Why must I always wait in a queue?
Before ending up talking to some total air-head,
Who, I'm quite convinced, has left her brain in bed.

Well, January the longest month ever invented is coming to an end!
It coincides quite nicely with the increase in Council tax bills and the ever-rising cost of the humble onion!
The councils claim that they are unable to provide the level of service required for the income they receive. Similarly, the onion growers state that, due to poor crops last year, they will have to increase their prices.
Getting on the band-wagon, I have decided to tell the Government that, due to a bad year last year, I will have no option other than to raise the amount of benefit I receive! Let's see how that goes down...shall we?
It looks like the wife and I will FINALLY get our house back to just us. YES... the boy has mentioned leaving at the end of the month! Not holding my breath, though, to be honest, he has been known to actually emerge from his pit during the hours of day-light recently!!

"How about a poem ?" I hear you ask. OK.

The year ahead looks pretty bleak
Where every day seems to last a week
From pay-day to pay-day will seem like a year
Especially with onions becoming so dear.

On Feb 14th the paying out will start
Maybe this year, I'll just give her my heart
Then it's Easter and time for eggs
I don't think my wallet will have the legs

Then on to summer and our holiday
Why does all my mail say "Please Pay"
Apart from the junk urging me to buy
They must all think I'm a wealthy guy

Why does everyone I know have a birthday each year
The cost of giving gifts will be too much, I fear
For my bank account to stand the strain
To give to others is money down the drain

Before you know it, it's Christmas again
And once more my wallet's in pain
Because everybody wants a gift
Tis not the season to be thrift

To end this poem on a lighter note
This year all Americans have to vote
It's time to choose a new world-leader
Let's hope they're better than the last bleeder

*breaking news***
This just in.
The Government has just realised that, actually, most troublesome youths DO NOT want to get an education. They have decided to eliminate these "problematic children". This will free up thousands of school places for those kids who do want to learn. A survey has shown that it is 1 million times cheaper to shoot these muppetts than to provide the special schooling needs, teachers, welfare officers, probation officers, prison staff, police, CCTV, benefits, free housing etc.

Have a great 2008

Well, it's finally here! 2008 has arrived!

Numpty is still with us, but (hopefully), he will be moving out this month. The wife and I haven't had the house to ourselves for nearly eight years now, and we need some serious "us time"!

Though it looks, financially, like we may have to rent out our spare-rooms, it's not an option that we're too keen on. We'll have to see how things go.

To those of you currently reading the blog from bonnie Scotland, hope the weather isn't causing too many problems (ha ha).

Have just heard on the news that domestic fuel prices are set to rise. No surprise there, then.
Seriously considering selling the house and contents and setting up home in the woods somewhere. Should keep the visitors down, and we can just burn more trees if we get cold! Eat wild fruits and rabbits. I think it's called survival, an interesting idea.

Have also heard that Northern Rock and it's bosses are safe as the Government plans, once again, to bail them out. I say "Fuck 'em". No one helps us out when times are hard, they just take our house away. Financial decisions made by some money-grabbing bastard in the banking industry have ruined thousands of lives, even to the point of people committing suicide. If I drove someone to suicide, I'd be up before the Judge for manslaughter. Why should it be any different just because you're a bank? The actions taken by these people cause untold suffering....they should be held accountable!

Thought you might like a poem

Ha ha it's here at last
Goodbye to the old, hello the new
Another long, hard year has past
I know this year my lottery win's due

So what does 2008 hold for us all
Maybe sickness, death and upset
Let's hope we can at least make it to Fall
It's started well..I haven't got MRSA yet

What with scroungers, immigrants and the like
All taking the piss with benefits and stuff
We'll have to trade in the Merc for a push-bike
After selling everything, we'll end up in the buff

It can't be that bad, I hear you all say
Oh no?..just wait till your mortgage deal runs out
It's happened in the States, it'll happen here one day
And then, trust me, my friend, you'll be the first to shout

Here's a Christmas Poem for you. Ho Ho Ho

Christmas comes but once a year
Sounds a bit like us, my dear
What with work, money, kids and stuff
Quality time for us, there's not enough

I remember back in early May
We had a whole twenty minutes to play
With a kiss, grope, moan and jerk
No sooner started than back to work

Anyway, back to the season that's festive
I'll get the wife a present that's...suggestive
With any luck she can use it next Sunday
It's down on the calendar as this year's fun-day

We all portray Christmas as snowy and white
Let's be honest, it's a load of shite
Jesus was born in the Middle East
Where it hasn't snowed for a thousand years...at least

Santa's a pervy old man in a suit
Coming into your house with his bag of loot
With a Ho Ho Ho, come sit on my knee
You can see his trousers swell with glee

It's the time of year to get into debt
I'm surprised us grown-ups haven't learned yet
To just say "no, you're not fucking having it"
'Cos my finances are already in shit

What about Good Will to all, I hear you scream
Let's be honest, it's just a dream
With drunken yobs ready to break and enter
Your pressies will end up in the homeless centre

I hope this hasn't deterred you too much
Christmas itself, is joyous, as such
If you enjoy hang-overs from way too much beer
Just remember to try and have a Happy New Year

Ha. Where do you start?
I don't know if it's just me, but this year has been a night-mare.
Housing market, Interest Rates, Fuel prices, council tax, Redundancy, Injury etc.
When you've been stuck at home for 8 months day in and day out, you have two options available to you. The first is the one most people take. That is to go stir-crazy and insane!
The second is less easy, but more rewarding. That is to try and re-educate yourself so that being at home 24/7 becomes a worthwhile experience.
Thanks to my education, traveling, experience of life and an over-whelming hunger for knowledge, I was able to teach myself web design and all that goes with it. Naturally, I started out as any red-blooded male would and built an adult site. Yep, me and the wife caught on film during some of our more intimate moments. What the hell....it sells!
Not happy with just one site, and wanting to reach a wider audience, I built a photography site. This site works well and the wife and I sell our (non-adult) images here. We have found ways to add our images to all kinds of products (cups,T-shirts,mouse-pads etc) and generate some much needed income.
I'm sure we're not the only people suffering at the moment. The sub-prime situation in the States has had a world-wide knock-on effect, not least here in the UK. As is always the way, the idiots who allowed this to occur have been protected by the Government and the poor little guy at the tail end of it suffers! I didn't ask for these financial institutions to over-stretch themselves. I didn't ask the Government to wipe out billions in debts to third-world countries. I didn't say "Yeah, let them all in and give them benefit entitlement.
I have had to have 5 independant medicals just to receive the (meager) disability payments, and yet you can turn-up on our shores from anywhere in the world and get the lot.
Strikes me as though something is wrong here. Surely it makes sense to look after your own before others. After all, as the saying goes "Charity begins at home!"

Sitting opposite the numpty at the job-centre for my "back to work" interview, I was asked "So what kind of job can you do?" I replied, "One where I can sit for 20 minutes,stand for 20 minutes,walk about for 20 minutes,lie down for 20 minutes,exercise for 20 minutes,then sit for 20 minutes,stand for 20 minutes...well, you get the idea.
Bright as I am, I haven't been able to think of a job that fits that description, and I've been putting my brain to it for nearly a year! Needless to say, the young,inexperienced oik sat opposite me couldn't think of anything either!
I suggested that, as my predicament was not my fault, and I am registered disabled since my work accident, maybe they could just leave me alone and give me the benefit. I'm still waiting for their response!

Moving on. I must stop watching day-time TV. I have never seen such a load of mindless pap in my life. Anti-wrinkle creams advertised by 23 year old beauties who won't see a wrinkle for at least 25 years even if they smiled continuously 24/7, sun-bathed 8 hours a day in the Gobi desert and washed their faces in sulphuric acid. Do women actually believe this hype?
Bacteria. One advert tells you the product kills 99% of all known bacteria, and the very next ad tells you to drink the yoghurt because it's full of bacteria!
My latest pet hate is ECO friendly stuff. I worked hard to achieve this point in life, and in so doing contributed to the world today, as have millions of others who've gone before today's do-gooders. I want to leave the largest carbon foot-print I can. After all, it's probably the only thing I will leave! Despite claims, there is NOTHING new about organic food. Man was putting cow poop on his vegetables thousands of years ago. Artificial fertilizers didn't come into being until only 50 years ago. Why does organic food cost so much? Cow eats grass and produces......dung! It's genius. And it's free!
We spend so much time, effort and money on global warming. Why? Global warming is a natural phenomena. You watch one documentary telling you about how man's destroying the planet and the next program tells you that only 100,000 years ago (a speck in the history of the earth), London was a tropical rain forest! The earth is an ever-changing place controlled by nature. Man's contribution, good or bad, is insignificant.